Alternative
by csiAngel
Summary: Set during 2x22. What if he had offered her an alternative?


Title: Alternative  
Author: csiAngel  
Rating: K+  
Summary: What if he had offered her an alternative?  
Season: Set during 2x22 then wanders off from canon. Also references events featured in 4x14 but if you've not seen that, you probably won't realise it.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

… … …

Phil looked at the form in his hand, then at the person who had handed it to him. Then he repeated that action, finding it hard to believe that the two went together. She just waited, expression blank, face unreadable. His heart clenched to think he had driven her to this.

"I – Why?"

"I think it's long overdue."

He nodded. That was true.

He wanted to ask if she was going now because he had lied to her; he wanted to ask if there was anything he could say that would fix that. He wanted to ask if she really intended to return. But his throat closed up at the mere thought of what her responses might be.

So, instead, he placed the form down on his desk and picked up a pen.

But then he found that he couldn't sign it. His hand hovered over the page but the pen didn't make contact.

He couldn't shake the feeling that she would be gone for so much longer than the two weeks she had put on her request. Regardless of how much her answers might hurt, he couldn't let her go without trying to persuade her to come back.

He placed the pen down and tried to find the best way to word his thoughts. He knew she wouldn't like it, but his fear of not seeing her every day outweighed his fear of her wrath. He took a deep breath and looked up to meet her glare.

"Are our boundaries not clear now?"

May didn't roll her eyes but he sensed that she wanted to.

"I've just asked for two weeks' vacation."

"And is that all you intend to take?"

He saw her answer in the slight twitch of her eyes and moved round his desk.

"May, we need to talk about this."

"No we don't. And I'm going to go whether you sign the form or not."

"With Andrew?" He ignored the churning in his stomach as he asked that. It had been impossible not to notice that the two of them were growing closer again since Andrew had returned to the base. It was entirely a coincidence that that was when his anxious feelings had started. They were obviously to do with the loss of his hand.

"That is actually none of your business."

"Not even as a friend?... Or have we never been friends?"

"Phil –"

"You didn't mention friendship in your description of what we were in the past. Married to Andrew. Worked with me. Are we friends now? Is that why the lines are blurred?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"And you're in denial."

"I'm in denial?… Yes we're friends, and yes the lines are blurred. Everything between us is taken personally now. You were right not to tell me about Theta Protocol – because I'm not the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.. But it hurt… You were right to instruct me to shoot you in the head… But there's no way I'd have been able to do it… I have every right to ask for two weeks' off and you won't sign the damned form!"

"You don't want a vacation. You want a trial."

Once more she didn't have to verbalise her response, because her eyes confirmed it all.

"You want to see if you can survive away from – " He stopped himself from saying 'me'. "—S.H.I.E.L.D.."

"I want a break."

"And I want you to come back."

"I haven't even left yet."

"Don't go with Andrew."

Her eyes widened – probably at the pleading tone to that request. It took him by surprise as well.

"What?"

"If you go with Andrew you'll definitely discover that you can survive without us… Take a vacation. Just… do it alone."

"You should take a moment and replay what you just asked me to do."

"I know what I'm asking. I know that it proves that our boundaries are… practically none existent, but we can draw new ones. Wherever you like: Co-workers; friends; BFFs – yes, I just said that. Just – I need to know you've got a reason to come back."

"Phil, I've got several reasons to come back."

"Then I need to know that at least one of them is more important than Andrew… No offence to him."

"I'm sure he'd take it anyway… You're out of line."

He reached across the desk, snatched up her vacation request and the pen, dropped them in front of him and signed it. "There. I've done what the Director should do. In line. Completely in line… But now, as your friend, please reassure me that you're coming back."

"You're not asking that as my friend."

"I am. No Director in sight. It would be totally out of order for him to pry."

"My friend would want me to be happy."

"I do want you to be happy."

"As long as I'm here?"

He shrugged. "Maybe."

She held his gaze, regarding him silently for a long time. When she eventually spoke, her tone was of concern. "Were you lying about being okay?" she asked him, softly.

For a moment he considered saying that he had lied. Maybe that would be enough to persuade her to stay – if she thought he needed her. But…

"No… I've made a promise not to lie to you ever again."

"And not to keep secrets?"

"One step at a time."

He offered her a tentative smile, and she returned one of her own.

"I'll speak to you in two weeks," she promised.

"You'll see me in two weeks," he corrected her.

"Is that a threat?"

"I guess you'll find out in two weeks."

… … …

"I know it hasn't been two weeks," Phil said as soon as May opened the door.

With the tiniest, almost imperceptible, eye roll, she moved back into her room and resumed packing clothes into her bag.

He followed her in and closed the door behind him. "I know it's barely been two minutes," he continued, "but I - … I've made this mistake before and I have to - … I've watched you go off with Andrew before and I pretended that I was okay with it… I'm not okay with it, Melinda. I wasn't okay with it last time but I didn't say anything. And it probably wouldn't have made a difference but –"

She stopped packing during his rambling but she remained standing with her back to him.

"… Will it make a difference this time? You said it yourself, the lines are blurred, everything's personal between us now… Why is that?"

He hated not being able to see her face. To an outside observer she gave away nothing but he had known her long enough to read the minute signs that she wasn't quick enough to hide.

He took a step closer to her and repeated his question more softly. "Why is that, Mel?"

He knew – from his point of view – why it had hurt so much to find out about her secret line to Fury; why he had felt, in that moment, like his heart was being crushed. Why he couldn't stay mad at her. Why he had wanted to answer all her questions about Theta Protocol. Why he had wanted to share it all with her… Why he wanted to share everything with her.

He also knew he was asking for a massive leap from her. He was asking her to change everything when they had only just put it back together. He was asking her to give up on the glimpse of stability that Andrew could offer.

He knew it wasn't fair to ask.

But he also knew how it felt to watch her love someone else. He could do it again if he had to. But this time he had to know that he had done everything he could to try to stop it.

He wanted to reach out and encourage her to face him but he was ambushing her. He had to at least give her time to formulate a response.

So, he waited until – after a small sigh – she turned round of her own accord.

"You know why," she answered him, quietly.

He was rushed with a wave of relief – that she hadn't denied it, and that she seemed prepared to talk about it.

"Yeah," he responded, equally quiet.

"You also know why it's a problem."

"I do. But, I also know that we're S.H.I.E.L.D.: We thrive on solving problems."

She rolled her eyes again but he caught a glimpse of a smile.

He moved even closer. "If you want to be with Andrew, if you want a life away from S.H.I.E.L.D., then I'll support that. Because I do want you to be happy… If you want to take a vacation, I'll support that… But if you want any of those things because you're scared of –"

At her sternly raised eyebrow he quickly corrected himself, "Not scared… Nervous? Because you're _nervous_ about actually admitting that what you really want is right here, then let's work on that together."

She held his gaze, her lips pursed tightly, as she considered his offer. He looked, but there were absolutely no signs of what she was thinking.

After what felt like hours she gave a curt nod. "Okay."

He frowned, not entirely sure he could remember how he had worded his last sentence in order to understand what that meant. "Okay?"

"I've never run from a challenge before."

He smiled, with both pride and excitement. "I'm a challenge?"

"Loving you's a challenge," she quipped.

He tried not to grin too widely upon hearing that. "Sorry about that."

"No more apologising."

He nodded his agreement with that approach. "You'll stay?"

And she nodded. "Yeah."

He reached out his good arm and wrapped it round her shoulders, drawing her to him. She wrapped her arms round his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.

After several minutes of just holding her in silence, he turned his head and whispered into her hair. "We can do this."

"Let's hope so."

He squeezed her more tightly. "I appreciate your confidence."

He couldn't see it, but he knew that she smiled widely in response to that.

They could do this.

And they _would_.

THE END


End file.
